


Five People Who Gave Patrick Kane An Olympic Gold Medal.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2014 Olympics, 5 Things, Because #yuletide, Flash Fic, M/M, Sad Patrick Kane, blame #yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1251892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or: five people who are not helping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five People Who Gave Patrick Kane An Olympic Gold Medal.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flamebyrd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamebyrd/gifts).



1\. Jonathan Toews

"I have two gold medals," Toews says, holding one out. "I know how to share."

"You are not helping, Captain Fuckface," Kane replies.

"At least hold it while I put the condom on," Toews says, and Kane sighs manfully and resists the urge to throw it at his head.

 

2\. Patrick Sharp

Stupid Sharpy and his stupid holding an adorable baby. Kane can't resist taking anything a baby hands him. He's only human.

 

3\. Three Eager Six Year Olds All Wearing His Olympic Jersey

The medal's made out of construction paper. It has gold glitter and liberal amounts of glue. It sticks to Kane's hand when he takes it.

He expects to find it taped up to the inside of his locker and is pleasantly surprised when it isn't. Maybe the guys are learning some kind of sensitivity and tact?

(No, it's stuck to the inside of his refrigerator. He really should get around to demanding his key back from Toews. Or maybe changing the locks? Yeah, that sounds good.)

 

4\. Sidney Crosby

At least this time it's a media appearance to promote 2018, so Kane and Malkin get to steal Crosby's gold medal and cackle maniacally.

Best commercial ever.

 

5\. Jonathan Toews (again)

"Three," Toews says smugly.

Kane smothers him with a pillow and confiscates the medal before Toews can do anything stupid with it, like propose.


End file.
